Tattoos 6-25-10

When I first came to prison I walked around with my head down, eyes fixed straight ahead, and shoulders bent forward.  I deliberately avoided eye contact - that was too risky.  The worst part was not knowing what was going on.  My enforced inactivity - at night - had me pacing in my cell.  After a couple of hours I'd go to my bunk, stretch out, and try to sleep.  I couldn't.  Thoughts spun through my head, brought on by my own inactivity, frustration and fear.  The hours dragged by.  I paced the cell when I got tired of laying down and lay down when I was tired of pacing.  My cell consisted of two bunks, a desk, and the toilet/sink combo.  It didn't take long to take everything in.  I would sometimes inspect the bars of my cell just as a distraction.

Being quiet, unobtrusive, forcing yourself to stay distant, is a way of life in here.  A protection.  I live around men who fear competence.  I didn't want to draw attention to myself.  Occasionally I'd slip and say the wrong thing, or I'd let my true nature show.  Some of those men didn't like this.  Maybe they were paranoid and thought I'd take their place.  Maybe not.  If I've learned anything, it's this: Men hate what they fear.

People project what they want others to see, or at least they try to.  Our perception of others is always distorted by our own prejudices, hopes and fears.  Appearance versus reality.  Sometimes we look at others and see ourselves.  It was with this in mind that I decided to get prison tattoos.

Tattoos have become a rite of passage shared by millions of people.  You have your clean cut teenagers, hard core drug users, suburban house wives, and prison inmates.  Tattooing is a visual declaration of power and change.  It's an announcement to the world:  I am in control of my own flesh.  I belong.  The intoxicating feeling of control derived from physical pain and transformation has addicted millions - cosmetic surgery, body piercing, body building, bulimia, and transgendering.  The human spirit craves mastery over its flesh and acceptance.