My fellow inmates are tall and short, strong and weak, kind and cruel, intelligent or slow. They are funny, popular, reliable and miserable. They are lovers, story tellers, fathers and professionals. They are friends, enemies, compassionate, selfish and generous. Countless identities live inside of these walls: The murderer who killed and enjoyed the act, a friend whose heart was in the right place, and the rapists who worships the flesh of others. There are the children that never grew up, the child who's fears have never left him, and then there are the men we hope to become.
Just because we are in prison doesn't mean that we are bad people or any different than anyone else. Some of us had a rough life or just got caught where others did not. Some of us just needed a break, help and direction. Others are hopeless. All of us can still feel guilt and shame. We can still fall in love, try to do the right thing, and appreciate what the right thing is. We still carry the joys of life, the compassion and the love. We remember all of our fears and dreams. Equally, we carry the hatred and horrors of our existence. Some of us will be released only to do another unbelievably bad thing.
We are the sum of our lives, of who we were. We are who we are, but we're all more complicated than simply being good or bad. We've got people who are capable of doing things that you can't even imagine. These are the men that have problems with authority. Breaking rules to them is almost an end in itself; doesn't matter what the rule happens to be, the fact that it's a rule makes it fair game. It's a sort of independence of spirit, usually combined with an inflated self-esteem - or lack of - and a low opinion of the system and society in general.
Life would be so much more straight forward if all the deviant men were clearly marked one way and all the honest men marked another. Society would like for us to believe that some men are monsters - evil through and through. Men who are not right in the head, that suffer from illness and are unable to control what they do. This is societies way of trying to make sense of the world. It isn't true. Anyone could work next to another person for years and never see or hear anything to give them reason for concern. Until one day that persons not at work and your being questioned by the authorities.
Anyone is capable of a deviant act under the right circumstances. If the temptation is strong enough. Perhaps even you.
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