The Christmas party is today and I've been looking forward to it. Eight months have passed since I last saw my children. My heart is set on seeing them. At 3pm I call my ex-wife to make sure everything is on schedule with the trip. She answers the phone and tells someone that she'll make this quick. I think she's talking to the kids, but I'm wrong. She goes on to tell me that their not on the way, they're not coming.
Throughout the last year, I've allowed myself to open up. I'm learning how to embrace and enjoy the experiences of my long buried emotions. But right now none of that matters. I'm angry, hurt, and disappointed. I want someone to blame. I want to unleash these feelings on her. Why have I succeeded in doing what I promised myself I wouldn't? Why have I invested myself, my emotions in someone only to be let down......again? Why? Why? Why?! I'd rather have my bones broken than to feel this way.
She explains: The ice storm knocked out the power and she's been without it for two days. Several calls were made to the prison but no one answered, and she assumed the party was cancelled. I want to yell, but only manage to say, I would of called if it had been.
I'm told they all miss me and are disappointed. I can hear the emotions riding her voice and as angry as I want to be; I know in my heart this wasn't done to hurt me. I believe what she's telling me and go on to tell her it's not her fault. I understand. These are not empty words. I do mean what I tell her. I realize she had no control over this and I cannot blame her for it.
I'm thanked for being so understanding, but the sound of this bothers me. Her voice is laced with so much relief, It sounds like a mountain was just lifted off her shoulders. I realize it is that relief in her voice that bothers me. Were my past reactions always so terrible? The amount of relief in her voice suggest they were.
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