Family 09

I've been asked to write something about 'Family' and I'm not sure how to go about this.  I'm at a loss.  I should start by saying, I left my family.  I know I walked out on them.  They didn't walk out on me.  I walked out on them.  To fully appreciate where I'm coming from you need to know that I'm sitting in a men's prison.  I have been using my time to reflect and grow strong again - mentally, emotionally, and physically.  It makes my heartache when I think of all the opportunities lost, all the things that could have been and never will be.

I've thought about all the times I told my wife and children to leave me alone, to go away, or just ignored them.  All they wanted was to spend time with me.  To be close to me.  To be shown some sort of love and affection.  I wonder how I could of been so blind.  I was ignorant to what was right in front of my eyes.  I was taking care of business, but not the business that mattered.  I was too busy running from myself to do that.

Being part of a family means you've assumed responsibility for each other, making sure that your looking out for one another.  I though by living under the same roof, providing food and clothing, I was doing my part.  I was wrong.  A house is a home if the people who live in it have memories and love and a place in the world.  Otherwise, it is just a house, a shelter and it will never be anything more.

A family is a group of people that live together, growing, and sharing their lives and experiences.  I believe the purpose is to make each generation a little bit better than the one before:  Stronger, perhaps, or wiser; richer, or more capable.  The task of a parent is managing one of these.  The best and most fortunate manage more than one.

I could say that I want my family back, but in my heart I know I never lost it.  They're waiting to see what I do.  Even your family can be alienated by discoveries they were not prepared for.  I don't know what the future holds, but I will not walk out on my family again.  I'll be there for them, whether I'm just down the hall, on the other end of a phone, or across town.

Men do things they later regret.  Only a few are given the opportunity to make amends.  I hope to be one of those few.