Change requires an act of will. It is a process, an argument neither beginning nor ending, but something else entirely. Change is the flow from moment to moment. It is times forgotten but vital sibling because without it, time cannot be measured. It is the very essence of cause and effect. Nothing happens without a reason. Our will supplies the reason and change does the rest.
I am surrounded by men merely marking time until a holiday, a visit, or their parole date. Men forever waiting for their lives to begin. Many men would like someone, something, to force them to change. A part of them want to change because of their current situation. In the end it will be up to them.
Each of us have our own demons. If we don't face them, we run the risk of being consumed - leaving behind a person so calloused that emotion has place in their heart. I kept mine in the deepest, darkest part of my being where no one was ever allowed. Unfortunately, despite my best efforts, my demons escaped and changed the lives of everyone I had contact with.
There was a time I liked to believe that I was responsible for all the good things, but when the bad things happened, my finger pointed elsewhere. I was in a jail cell when I realized that I would not be free until my demons were dealt with. I had to look deep within myself and face them. Then and only then was I able to start making changes.
It took courage to look at the truth and admit what it was; courage to strive for something that was right even when it seemed impossible. Today, I understand the importance of living with honor, integrity, and respect. I want to help others. I want to be here. It's a privilege and isn't that exactly the way I should feel? After all, if I'm going to be confined to prison, I might as well act as if I'm enjoying myself. It took a measure of defiance, but once I was able to view living here as a blessing, it made changing that much easier.
No comments:
Post a Comment