Most of my life has been spent in silence. Meaning, I was the quiet person. I didn't talk with people or voice thoughts and opinions. Conversations with me were mostly one way. You talked, I listened. I was numb after........after what happened in Haiti. I couldn't think. I didn't want to think. I moved, I talked, but I didn't feel. I knew what I had done and couldn't speak of it, couldn't admit it. I couldn't. To show any weakness would give someone an advantage over me. I kept the truth from my family. If I seemed cold and unfeeling, it was because that was how I survived.
The majority of people in prison do not know how to have a conversation. It is especially difficult for them to accept compliments and listen to critisim. They become uncomfortable when hearing about anothers problems and usually respond with a wise crack. This leads to hurt feelings and possible bloodshed. Most conversations remain superficial for this reason. And when someone is assertive people see him as arrogant and controlling. He's misunderstood. It's no wonder only a handful of people actually change in prison.
Much has changed for me. I've learned to value other people, to respect them for who they are, even when they're not thinking as I do. I understand and am comfortable with myself. I know my limits, I know my strengths. I have learned how to communicate......properly. I am no longer afraid of what people will think or how they'll react to what I say. I no longer feel compelled to stuff my feelings.
To sit here every week and be assertive with you all feels wonderful.
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