On October 16, 2006 I ran my vehicle into another at 96 miles per hour. The car I hit went into the ditch, hit a stone wall, and rolled over coming to rest against a tree. This should of been a wake up call. It wasn't. For the next several months I lived like a man who wanted to die but didn't have the courage to do it myself. On May 5, 2007 I ran my fathers car into a tree ending my reign of madness.
As much as I disliked reading the prosecutions description of me; I am unable to disagree with it. I saw what I wanted to see and tried to make true what I wanted to be true. The frightening thing was that I so often succeeded. I was good at lying to myself. I actually believed my own lies. Worse still, I didn't care about anyone who was hurt by my actions. I was completely shut off from everything. Pain, compassion, pity, remorse - nothing got through to me.
Change comes from within. It is motivated, inspired or invoked in others, but never enforced. I could of remained defiant, even resentful, and continued to think that I knew everything. Or I could learn and change my ways. My decision was easy. Much has changed for me. I've learned a lot about myself. I've learned to value other people. I've learned to communicate.....properly. I've learned how to express myself and embrace my feelings. I no longer feel compelled to stuff my feelings. The prosecution gave an accurate description of who I was two and a half years ago. I am no longer that person.
I am asking for an opportunity to address the court and speak about the changes that have taken place. I would like to speak about my victims and the pain I've caused them. I am not a bad person, I made very bad choices.
Please allow me this opportunity.
:-) So happy to hear that you were able to see that you are not a bad person, you simply made bad choices and are moving forward. That is all we can do in life :-)
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